5 a.m.- I’m wide awake. Just another day for you and me in paradise (sorry, had to throw in a Phil Collins reference). After checking email, writing a few stories, and grabbing breakfast I head out in the Suburu to Aloha Stadium to take in some Pro Bowl practices, yeeayyyy!
9:20 a.m.- I enter the friendly confines of Aloha Stadium. It’s really nice here. That was a joke, this stadium is an absolute dump. It likens that of the Florida Citrus Bowl in Orlando and the Liberty Bowl in Memphis. At least the weather is nice.
9:35 a.m.- The Pro Bowl cheerleaders enter the field. Being the connoisseur of female talent I am, I rate the top representative as the girl from the Eagles, then Titans; Houston gets third place. Predictably, the Jaguars representative was the least attractive to me (because I’m not into women with Adam’s apples).
9:45 a.m.- Practice has started with approximately 10,000 people in the stands, according to Michael Lipman of the NFL. The AFC team is out first, and they are really working hard. That too was a joke, they were not working hard at all. According to many, this was the first Pro Bowl in history that none of the players from either team wore helmets for even one minute of practice.
9:55 a.m.- Miami’s Ronnie Brown makes the catch of the day as he reels in a deep ball from Peyton Manning which he caught behind his back. These guys are good.
10:02 a.m.- The AFC team is about to wrap it up, and then the fun stuff begins. Kerry Collins told a story about how Jay Cutler was pranked by Peyton Manning. Apparently Manning unscrewed Cutler’s Gatorade bottle and it went all over him. Collins is a little paranoid that Manning will prank him next.
10:08 a.m.- Kerry Rhodes of the Jets is in attendance and he’s begging “T-Sizzle” (Terrell Suggs) to become a Jet next season.
10:11 a.m.- Dwight Freeney is openly recruiting Tennessee’s Albert Haynesworth to play his home games at the “Oil Barn” in Indy. If the Colts can indeed pull a deal like that off, just imagine the possibilities with that defensive line.
10:16 a.m.- ESPN’s Rachel Nichols and I make some small talk. She’s lost some weight since we last ran into each other and she’s wearing a white dress. There could be a story here.
10:22 a.m.- With the sun beating down on me, and I’m progressively getting more sick, I sit down to take a break. Next to me sits Adrian Peterson’s dad. I told him that I voted for his son for league MVP and he thanked me. The funny part was that I told Stephen Gostkowski’s dad the same thing.
10:45 a.m.- Nothing interesting is going on, Jamie Dukes of the NFL Network is really sweaty and complaining, Michael Smith of ESPN has his collar popped, and Kurt Warner is dancing around making a decision to come back next year.
11:20 a.m.- I’m leaving practice, as it’s too hot and nobody cares. There’s a giant swap meet outside the stadium and I need to buy a carry-on to bring back all of my families souvenirs.
12:08 p.m.- My condition is worsening, as I can no longer breathe and my slight cough is turning into a massive, mucus-filled one. I decide to try and find lunch then bake off the sickness at the beach.
1:45 p.m.- After laying around for a bit, I finally found some food at P.F. Chang's. Lunch was good, but it had a negative reaction which forced me scurrying back to my room.
2:10 p.m.- Thankfully that episode is over, so I decide to sizzle up my cold at the beach. After approximately three hours, my skin is starting to feel hot, very hot. I saw a guy with a horrible moustache and a fanny pack which I thought was funny, and another beach-goer who was tattooed from neck to toe. I joked around with the Canadian people next to me, and they said Americans are belligerent. For the most part I agreed (using myself as an example),but then called their country the 51st state.
5:05 p.m.- I feel terrible, so I hit the shower. When I get out, I notice that I am a special shade of red. After pounding some Robitussin and Mucinex and Claritin, I feel quite a bit dizzy.
7:30 p.m.- The block party is very much on, and my dizzy self is trying to take in some of the sights. There are thousands of people in the streets, so many that it's difficult to walk. At this point I'm hungry and craving pizza, and after an approximate 45 minute walk, I stumble into a California Pizza Kitchen. At this point in the evening, I can barely stay on the bar-stool, and onlookers think I'm wasted, which I am, just on over the counter cold medicine. I eat a couple slices of average pizza and then stumble into my hotel. I quickly lie down, and the room is spinning.
9:00 p.m.- Wedding Crashers is on, so I watch that for a while. You don't need to say it, I know how to live it up.
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